My Christmas List

I've thought long and hard about my christmas list well maybe not but instead of gifts that I probably don't need or actually want the three things that would be priceless to me are:

1. Some time to myself. 

2. A full night of sleep.

3. A lay in even if only til 8am.

Please, please, please someone get me these for christmas - only 38 days to go :)

Christmas Spirit

Getting into the Christmas spirit with Ollie, decorating baubles.

 I felt lately I've needed to do different things with Ollie to keep him entertained by making cakes, decorating biscuits, letting him get involved with preparing food or even help hang the washing up. He needs to do more now to keep him from getting bored and naughty. 

Toddler Jealousy / Behaviour Problems

Has anyone had to deal with jealousy between siblings? 

Ollie my 2.5 year old has had a problem with his little brother from the beginning which I thought could happen but I thought eventually he'd just get used to a brother being around especially after 10 months now. 

He hits, kicks, pokes, pulls, sits and pushes Joel everyday and I'm just getting so fed up with it all now as no matter how many times I explain its wrong, tell him off (shout), take things away and I have even tapped him on the hand and leg as he will not listen and often just laughs. One day I even put all his toys downstairs in a big bag and said I'm putting them in the bin, he really didn't care he even helped me. 

What do you do to sort the jealousy/ behaviour problems out, I need advice as I'm going mad being at home.

Noise

I envy those of you that have silence all night through and have decent sleep, that would be a luxury.

I think since living in my hell hole house the last six years I haven't slept well at all which has been made worse after having kids.

For instance last night Joel woke at 1.20am got him back to sleep then I hear the neighbours moaning and groaning while having sex which is made worse by their crappy squeaky bed. After that it was rummaging through a wardrobe. A little quiet after but its not completely silent as I can hear road noise and a fan going at the local take away. 

Once I do drift back to sleep I here Ollie moaning but think he's still asleep same with Joel. It then gets to 6am and I hear a neighbour getting ready for work as I can hear the shower and toilet flush. Half hour or so later I hear the other side getting out of the crappy squeaky bed then stomp downstairs to bang kitchen cupboards.

After nights like that with constant wake ups I just can't focus but both kids woke up at the same time this morning needing nappy changes and Ollie demanding I play........urgh! 

These days are so long especially when I'm on my own, I just can't wait for bedtime again in hope I get more sleep.

Do More Of What Makes You Happy

I came across this image the other day which got me thinking what does make me happy.

Well after having a hellish week last week I want to make this a better one.

Starting with Ollie so he doesn't play me up I decided to get him to decorate biscuits as he hasn't done that. It was fun and made me smile to see him happy.

What makes me happy well I like making things so I made another christmas decoration.

I also love photos and I am starting to put  photobooks together of family days out so we can concentrate on good memories. 

I do love when both boys are asleep and hubby and I can sit on the sofa with some wine, chocolate and a good film.

I seem to get a kick out of sorting stuff, selling it and just being organised.

What else makes me happy urm! Well I'm happy when I get quiet either that's when the boys are napping or the noisy neighbours are out (neither happens often). 

It's funny when I think of the things I used to feel happy about like buying new clothes, Booking my next holiday /trip away (not something I can do now), Days off work, Friday's where bliss. How life can change.

Argh! Kids

Struggling at the moment with my children the last few days they have just screamed and pestered me to the brink of me going insane.

At times I just haven't known what to do so ended up screaming back at them. I thought motherhood would be enjoyable but I'm not feeling that way. I feel like a slave as all it seems to be is cooking, cleaning, washing, changing nappies and tidying constantly. I feel lonely as I seem to be coping on my own with little help even though I'm always saying 'I need help'. My freedom has disappeared I can't even go to the toilet on my own without being pestered. My mood is awful as I'm constantly tired and stressed out. I'm starting to feel like I really don't want to read books or play toys with them as I just don't have the energy and begrudge the lack of time I have to myself.

It's awful to feel this way especially as it was what I really wanted for years. I was so jealous of people who had babies but now I'm jealous of people with freedom. Even other mums seem to get nights out with friends or partners so why can't I.

After constant moaning 'I need a break' my hubby took both kids to his parents last Saturday so I could have a few hours . Finally he listened I thought so I had a look round shops without kids whining and a soak in the bath in silence but then received a text to say to join them as surely 6 hours was enough uh! No it wasn't but I went anyway as I felt guilty. As soon as I got there I'm handed Joel to feed and entertain - what a joke. Everyone needs time out I'm no different I think I need to grow some balls and demand time and say no when I don't want to do something. Other people get away with it so why shouldn't I it's not being selfish its to keep me sane and an attempt to enjoy being at home with my kids. 

I DID IT

The Letter

Oh my I finally sent my resignation letter to the company I have been with for five years it was posted on Saturday to get to them on Monday morning. 
I have been dreading in case I got a telephone call for the past two days but I checked my junk mail late last night and the boss confirmed he received my letter Monday. Not what I was expecting especially in my junk folder and to me this shows that this is probably what they hoped for anyway. It's so nice to feel wanted :(

As I've mentioned in previous posts I didn't feel welcomed when I went back last year after my first child so I wasn't going to put myself through that again as you know when you have out grown a company. 

Its a relief in so many ways that I never have to step foot in that office and see those people who snubbed me and made me feel horrible about myself ever again (hopefully).

So here's to being a stay at home mum for a bit :)