39 to FIT 40

In June I started a new instagram page 39tofit40 I cannot believe I'm 40 next year. How the hell did that happen?

It was going to be a weight loss journey but its turned into a diary of weight, food, work and health so like this blog its a mixed bag. I think I need to focus on being my best self mentally and physically.

This year I have seen many changes in my monthly cycle, moods and general health. First I thought I was pre-menopausal but then I read about PMDD which fits the bill so i've been on/off running which has recently been scaled to walking due to knee and foot pain (my latest post). 

I'm taking Angus Cactus, Magnesium & B6 which has helped my awful moods (I think). The biggest change has been ditching night shifts which I started in September 2018 and it destroyed me I hated it, it made me an emotional mess and just a hard person to be around due to the lack of sleep and the job in general made me feel rubbish. The people on occasions made me feel so unwelcome I used to cry before every shift. It got to a point I couldn't take it anymore so jumped on a new positon in the day which happens to be with clothes. Still not my ideal job but I feel a sense of relief and a little more normal. 

Now the focus is on earning enough money to keep the family ticking along and be a happier environment.

Another Day, Another Jacket

Another day another jacket, this one is a present I had at christmas from New Look.
Loving the navy look today, embroidered jeans are from Peacocks, jumper from New Look and boots from Primark.

Loving Jackets & Coats

Wore this coat today that I got from George at Asda in January for £20. Feel really stylish when I wear it and its ultra slimming and another thing it's a size 12 and I have plenty of room in it.

Walked to my weight watchers meeting today but 1.5lb on this week but hardly surprising as I stopped tracking the past few days. Been feeling a bit low so wanted to eat. New week though so back to it.

Always The After Thought

Feel like I'm always an after thought to most people be it friends or family. Half term last week, did I hear from anyone nope which is always the same. Luckily the hubby had 3 days off so I wasn't completely on my own. Even the Grandparents seem to make plans in school holidays now, when you'd think they would want to see grandchildren.
Maybe its all a coincidence and me over thinking but do you ever feel you don't make enough of a difference to someone so you don't even enter there thoughts.

On many occassions I've either invited people to something or that we should meet up but it never happens so I'm starting to think why am I bothering.

That's my little rant of the day as of course I'm on my own lol! such a loner.

On the school Run

 I wore this last week, Maybe a bit over the top for the school run but who doesn't like to feel good about themselves. Wearing my favourite boots from New Look, Aviator Jacket, Gingham trousers with a black jumper. Teamed up with a Lipsy bag I got from Avon (Yes still doing Avon).

Select Trousers £12
Select Jacket £19.99
New Look Boots £10
Bag Avon £13.95
Everything5Pounds Jumper £5

Back Into Fashion

I went to charity fashion show at school the other day so had to look the part. I wanted a pop of colour so went for Orange. I'm in love with these boots and a steal at just £10 in the New Look sale.
Whole outfit £30.

Everything 5 Pounds coat £5
Jeggings Asda £8
Top Asda £7
Boots New Look £10

The up's and down's

I wrote this a few weeks ago as keeping a little diary as been up and down in the last few months.

Since my blighted ovum all I have heard is pregnancy announcements and all seem to be girls. After I had the lose I came home to hear the neighbours screaming baby it just digs the pain in just that little bit more. I desire to complete our family with a girl so to hear of others getting one just gives me this slight pang of jealousy. I can't help it I wish I didn't but find it so hard at times.

I even had a dream I had a baby it was clothed in pink but it actually turned out to be a boy with six toes...weird.
It made me feel if I tried again would I be disappointed if I had another boy, so maybe it's best not to try.

A couple weeks ago I saw my brother and his girlfriend who are expecting they were just a week apart from me. So seeing the baby bump kinda brings it all back to the forefront. This time after hearing everyone discussing the baby things they had all excited for what is to come I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness it actually felt like grieve I just felt like being swallowed up. I couldn't sleep all night and the next morning I just cried and talked it out with my husband. I felt so much better after I don't think I actually cried since it happened last August.

I have been okay since I even went to a job interview so I could focus on new things but didn't get it I was so disappointed as now the boys are both at school I'm feeling I need something as I am pretty much on my own a lot of the time.

That is where I am at but trying to be more positive, I have two healthy boys and my hubby. I need to move on from it all.