Back To Work Tomorrow

Me & Ollie today

Well here we are, I'm at that point 
where my work days are back and I have to say goodbye to pyjama mornings, mummy lunches and morning coffees :-(

My early mornings will now turn into getting to work on time and not deciding on what breakfast Ollie should have while we watch baby cartoons then quickly changing to interesting mummy programmes....oh goodbye This Morning and Loose Women hello sitting in an office dreaming I was at home thinking of the things I was doing this time last week.

It's a weird feeling as it feels like it's the end but I still have my little boy which is forever. I'm sure when I get home the hubby will pass Ollie over so I do my responsible duties even though I didn't do that to him when he was working all day. Deep down though I think I will want to as for almost a year it has been pretty much me looking after Ollie 24/7. Making sure he is changed, fed, has clean clothes, bathed and getting up in the night so it will be so hard not to carry on, I don't want to feel I'm not needed anymore he's my little boy. 

Starting this year Grandma has had Ollie over night once a month which has been very strange but a godsend as well as we needed the sleep, but being without him by my side for nearly 10 hours a day 5 days a week will be incredibly hard I just know I will be thinking about him all the time and worrying if he has been fed and changed but I guess that is normal until I get into my new routine.

Hopefully I will get to be at home again some day as who will take all the pictures.

Career Choices

I'm starting to wonder what I want to do with my life I spent my twenties searching for an ideal career but never found anything that I was truely happy in. I started my full time working life in retail, first being at an art centre where I loved the products as I love being creative, my co-workers were great but the customers where awful as they often made me feel stupied and I didn't feel like I had achieved anything especially when ex college friends came in telling me about their university stories. I just wasn't going to go anywhere in the company so I took another retail job closer to home and again I loved the product(jewellery)and this time the customers where great but my co-workers were awful they just made me the slave - make tea, wash up clean etc.

One day I had enough and was at the point of tears so I signed up with an agency and I had a lucky streak and ended up with a full time position in an office working in Internet Marketing I couldn't believe my luck I was dreadful on the computer and didn't really use the internet so I was amazed I got the job, it was all new to me with lots to learn - I LOVED IT, but that feeling only lasted the first year and I didnt grow with the company so left after 4 1/2 years (my longest job ever). I think I could do that job better now and sometimes wish i could go back.

I went onto another office job which again was quite different being an Administrator but I tried to develop my Internet Marketing experience into the job in the hope of developing that side of the company. It had it highs and lows and on several occassions I have wanted to leave but then I had the opportunity to go onto a Marketing course courtesy of the company which really excited me (things were looking up)especially as my 30th birthday was getting closer and I felt I wasn't where I wanted to be in life and then after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant I was so I had to say goodbye to the Marketing course and my developments of Internet Marketing were scraped all together from the company. My last couple of months before I went onto Maternity the company had a huge re-jig of my job description and peoples roles - the worst thing ever, a girl I worked with for over 3 years was becoming my Manager she has control over everything I do, a say in my pay and bonuses. It didn't go down well with me at all especially as she used to be a friend and now I find her speaking to me very differently.

It is now coming up to a year since I left for maternity and my first day back is getting closer but it fills me with dread as the manager has developed in her role so will have a field day bossing me about especially as the company has changed almost everything about my job so I'm basically going to start all over again. I would love to work for myself because I hate being told what to do and my freedom taken away by having set hours in a mundane Monday to Friday job.

While being on maternity leave I have developed my own venture Fish 4 Clicks (www.fish4clicks.co.uk) taking my internet marketing experience and going freelance. So far I have one paying client and one family member who I am helping out. I have tried promoting on social networking sites but now i'm unsure where to go with it. I need to get out there networking but I'm a little stuck as i'm looking after my little man and then I will be in full time work. Previously I have made and sold handmade cards and beaded jewellery but my website created one sale in a whole year so that venture has been closed down. I need motivation to carry on.I wish all those years ago I chose what I wanted to do Childcare or Beauty Therapy I decided not to go down those routes because the earning potential wasnt good enough and people used to look down on those subjects as the easy way out but I believe I would have been much happier than I am now and both those proffessions will always be needed. I just feel stuck now in what I am doing.