I'm starting to wonder what I want to do with my life I spent my twenties searching for an ideal career but never found anything that I was truely happy in. I started my full time working life in retail, first being at an art centre where I loved the products as I love being creative, my co-workers were great but the customers where awful as they often made me feel stupied and I didn't feel like I had achieved anything especially when ex college friends came in telling me about their university stories. I just wasn't going to go anywhere in the company so I took another retail job closer to home and again I loved the product(jewellery)and this time the customers where great but my co-workers were awful they just made me the slave - make tea, wash up clean etc.
One day I had enough and was at the point of tears so I signed up with an agency and I had a lucky streak and ended up with a full time position in an office working in Internet Marketing I couldn't believe my luck I was dreadful on the computer and didn't really use the internet so I was amazed I got the job, it was all new to me with lots to learn - I LOVED IT, but that feeling only lasted the first year and I didnt grow with the company so left after 4 1/2 years (my longest job ever). I think I could do that job better now and sometimes wish i could go back.
I went onto another office job which again was quite different being an Administrator but I tried to develop my Internet Marketing experience into the job in the hope of developing that side of the company. It had it highs and lows and on several occassions I have wanted to leave but then I had the opportunity to go onto a Marketing course courtesy of the company which really excited me (things were looking up)especially as my 30th birthday was getting closer and I felt I wasn't where I wanted to be in life and then after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant I was so I had to say goodbye to the Marketing course and my developments of Internet Marketing were scraped all together from the company. My last couple of months before I went onto Maternity the company had a huge re-jig of my job description and peoples roles - the worst thing ever, a girl I worked with for over 3 years was becoming my Manager she has control over everything I do, a say in my pay and bonuses. It didn't go down well with me at all especially as she used to be a friend and now I find her speaking to me very differently.
It is now coming up to a year since I left for maternity and my first day back is getting closer but it fills me with dread as the manager has developed in her role so will have a field day bossing me about especially as the company has changed almost everything about my job so I'm basically going to start all over again. I would love to work for myself because I hate being told what to do and my freedom taken away by having set hours in a mundane Monday to Friday job.
While being on maternity leave I have developed my own venture Fish 4 Clicks (www.fish4clicks.co.uk) taking my internet marketing experience and going freelance. So far I have one paying client and one family member who I am helping out. I have tried promoting on social networking sites but now i'm unsure where to go with it. I need to get out there networking but I'm a little stuck as i'm looking after my little man and then I will be in full time work. Previously I have made and sold handmade cards and beaded jewellery but my website created one sale in a whole year so that venture has been closed down. I need motivation to carry on.I wish all those years ago I chose what I wanted to do Childcare or Beauty Therapy I decided not to go down those routes because the earning potential wasnt good enough and people used to look down on those subjects as the easy way out but I believe I would have been much happier than I am now and both those proffessions will always be needed. I just feel stuck now in what I am doing.
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