When Did Life Get Like This

Stress, stressed, ultimate stress head, this is me lately and I have no clue how to snap out of it. Today I have felt it badly and shouted at kids at the top of my voice until I actually felt dizzy. At the weekend it actually reduced me to tears. 

When did it start? 

Well I've kinda always had it, I guess most people do but nothing like it is now and I can only put it down to having children. 

Recent months have been hard as I feel so lost and need something myself to focus on otherwise my daily routine as I see it is me as a SLAVE. I get dragged out of bed being told change my bum, get me dressed, make me breakfast. Then the whole day goes on like this, fix this, I want a drink, I want a biscuit, I'm hungry etc etc. 

Still even at the ages they are I cannot go to the toilet in peace, if I have a shower I get peeped at or toys thrown in with me. 

If I sit down both clamper over me often spilling my drink on me. Meal times they are there staring at my plate and putting grubby hands all over my food.

I have now managed to get 3 hours on a Tuesday to me but I catch myself cleaning and still tidying up after kids. Yesterday I did go for a jog to release stress but it's back today. As said I shouted at the top of my voice because I am not listened to just laughed at and mocked. I realise these are kids are only 2 and nearly 4 but my god how they can really push you to the limits. 

At the moment I really can't wait for this time in my life to be over with its awful to say but I can't take much more of the stress I hate being this person I really do and I hate it even more that I really wanted this so why can't I enjoy it. As I write this one child thinks it funny to bang the safety gate continuously while the other encourages it. Urgh! How did life really get to this. It really isn't any fun. 

Easter Weekend

Good Friday was a stressful one, I was on my own ALL day with the two monsters well one in particular has hit the terrible twos which seems to have appeared on and off over the last few months but my god the last two days have been testing. Anyway Good Friday I thought I'd take them out for a walk to get fresh air and see if any Easter eggs were left (the shelves were bare). It was all fine to begin with we were counting cars in the way to town but in one of the shops Ollie kept shouting very loudly because he wanted this rabbit teddy, so embarrassing as people stare and I'm sure a woman even tutted - she has no idea. I just walked out in the end and being a desperate mum I tried to stop him by giving him a biscuit, bad I know but my stress levels were to boiling point.

My cakes

The rest of the outing was fine but as soon as we got home Ollie started again by shouting, demanding biscuits, hitting his toys and when I tell him off he laughs. What are you suppose to do, I ended up raising my voice which isn't me but he just goes too far and my patience wares. To get back to sanity I thought I'd make Easter cakes and get Ollie involved but he wasn't interested other than eating the icing. I was pleased with the end result.

All afternoon and early evening continued being stressful as Ollie started trying to hit Joel or sit on him I tried to distract him with hoovering as I know he likes that which did for a little while so at least that was something. The hubby didn't get home until 7pm so it was a long hard day I just hope this terrible twos stage doesn't stick around because I really don't like being at home if it does, I've never felt so stressed in my life.

Ollie with Nana & Grandad

Saturday was a much better day and I had my parents come round so we had a walk to the park and I got my tattoo I've wanted for ages. Ollie was better behaved, Joel was as good as gold and I had company.
It was actually so nice to have someone else push the buggy other than me.

Easter Sunday started with me tired after Joel woke every 2 hours yet again, I just can't deal with this lack of sleep anymore. Ollie woke up at 7.15am, once he's awake that's it for the day.
We did an Easter egg hunt for Ollie but once he found the first egg he unwrapped it and ate it so it probably wasn't one of our better ideas.
The rest of the day we went for lunch at Paul's parents which was nice we got a bit of a break and Ollie had another Easter egg hunt. The amount of chocolate he ate was bad today. I hope he doesn't expect it every day now.

Second egg hunt at Grandma's

Joel was very unsettled most of the day as he just didn't get much sleep, I wonder if it was because he wasn't used to the environment we were in as different noises to wake him up and not just Ollie's, poor thing.

Easter Monday didn't start well with me having no sleep again as the only way to settle Joel was to let him sleep on my chest but that meant I didn't have good sleep at all. 
Ollie started the day screaming at me which reduced me to tears in the end as its all too much on little sleep plus I'm on my own all day again. I really do need a break. I feel my every waking moment has something to do with kids. 

Overall it hasn't been the best easter due to stress and tiredness. Time for tea and chocolate I think :)