Argh! Kids

Struggling at the moment with my children the last few days they have just screamed and pestered me to the brink of me going insane.

At times I just haven't known what to do so ended up screaming back at them. I thought motherhood would be enjoyable but I'm not feeling that way. I feel like a slave as all it seems to be is cooking, cleaning, washing, changing nappies and tidying constantly. I feel lonely as I seem to be coping on my own with little help even though I'm always saying 'I need help'. My freedom has disappeared I can't even go to the toilet on my own without being pestered. My mood is awful as I'm constantly tired and stressed out. I'm starting to feel like I really don't want to read books or play toys with them as I just don't have the energy and begrudge the lack of time I have to myself.

It's awful to feel this way especially as it was what I really wanted for years. I was so jealous of people who had babies but now I'm jealous of people with freedom. Even other mums seem to get nights out with friends or partners so why can't I.

After constant moaning 'I need a break' my hubby took both kids to his parents last Saturday so I could have a few hours . Finally he listened I thought so I had a look round shops without kids whining and a soak in the bath in silence but then received a text to say to join them as surely 6 hours was enough uh! No it wasn't but I went anyway as I felt guilty. As soon as I got there I'm handed Joel to feed and entertain - what a joke. Everyone needs time out I'm no different I think I need to grow some balls and demand time and say no when I don't want to do something. Other people get away with it so why shouldn't I it's not being selfish its to keep me sane and an attempt to enjoy being at home with my kids. 

Easter Weekend

Good Friday was a stressful one, I was on my own ALL day with the two monsters well one in particular has hit the terrible twos which seems to have appeared on and off over the last few months but my god the last two days have been testing. Anyway Good Friday I thought I'd take them out for a walk to get fresh air and see if any Easter eggs were left (the shelves were bare). It was all fine to begin with we were counting cars in the way to town but in one of the shops Ollie kept shouting very loudly because he wanted this rabbit teddy, so embarrassing as people stare and I'm sure a woman even tutted - she has no idea. I just walked out in the end and being a desperate mum I tried to stop him by giving him a biscuit, bad I know but my stress levels were to boiling point.

My cakes

The rest of the outing was fine but as soon as we got home Ollie started again by shouting, demanding biscuits, hitting his toys and when I tell him off he laughs. What are you suppose to do, I ended up raising my voice which isn't me but he just goes too far and my patience wares. To get back to sanity I thought I'd make Easter cakes and get Ollie involved but he wasn't interested other than eating the icing. I was pleased with the end result.

All afternoon and early evening continued being stressful as Ollie started trying to hit Joel or sit on him I tried to distract him with hoovering as I know he likes that which did for a little while so at least that was something. The hubby didn't get home until 7pm so it was a long hard day I just hope this terrible twos stage doesn't stick around because I really don't like being at home if it does, I've never felt so stressed in my life.

Ollie with Nana & Grandad

Saturday was a much better day and I had my parents come round so we had a walk to the park and I got my tattoo I've wanted for ages. Ollie was better behaved, Joel was as good as gold and I had company.
It was actually so nice to have someone else push the buggy other than me.

Easter Sunday started with me tired after Joel woke every 2 hours yet again, I just can't deal with this lack of sleep anymore. Ollie woke up at 7.15am, once he's awake that's it for the day.
We did an Easter egg hunt for Ollie but once he found the first egg he unwrapped it and ate it so it probably wasn't one of our better ideas.
The rest of the day we went for lunch at Paul's parents which was nice we got a bit of a break and Ollie had another Easter egg hunt. The amount of chocolate he ate was bad today. I hope he doesn't expect it every day now.

Second egg hunt at Grandma's

Joel was very unsettled most of the day as he just didn't get much sleep, I wonder if it was because he wasn't used to the environment we were in as different noises to wake him up and not just Ollie's, poor thing.

Easter Monday didn't start well with me having no sleep again as the only way to settle Joel was to let him sleep on my chest but that meant I didn't have good sleep at all. 
Ollie started the day screaming at me which reduced me to tears in the end as its all too much on little sleep plus I'm on my own all day again. I really do need a break. I feel my every waking moment has something to do with kids. 

Overall it hasn't been the best easter due to stress and tiredness. Time for tea and chocolate I think :)

What A Week

After my post on Wednesday about a Day To Forget it has turned into a week to forget.

I felt much better on Thursday so I got the boys ready and went for a walk for fresh air which helped me no end after being stuck in the house for five day's straight and when we got back Ollie and Joel fell asleep......RESULT. Some me time finally so I had lunch and read a mag in peace but it wasn't long until Joel woke up, he's been so unsettled recently.

Hubby came home Thursday afternoon which was a sigh of relief. Missed not having him around.

After dinner I started to feel very sick again aggghhh! I wish this bug would disappear, seems to re-appear if I eat but I have to eat something as I'm breast feeding Joel, maybe that's why he's unsettled he's not getting enough milk. This carried on into Friday feeling rough on and off throughout the day so it was a big struggle to occupy two small children especially Ollie who was back back to his normal self wanting constant attention. All I wanted to do all day was to sleep. Still feeling rough through to evening hubby made a bit of dinner but I couldn't manage much and Ollie fell asleep in his chair so he was in bed by 7.30pm and I was by 9pm.
Hoping for lots asleep....I wish, Joel woke several times during the night and the only way to send him back to sleep was to feed him. Its so exhausting.......I only want sleep so I can recover.

Saturday now and feeling ok although after having breakfast I felt that bubbly tummy again and the stress head just will not go away. So I escaped to pamper myself with a bath, paint nails and wash hair - I just NEEDED some time to myself after being with the two boys 24/7.

Do any other mums out there need alone time?

First Night On My Own

For the last 10 weeks since having Joel I have had my hubby around day and night. He got up with Ollie while I tended to Joel throughout the night, he has been doing most of the cooking and housework. He now has a new job and the next two weeks is away on training so it's all down to me to sort the boys, cooking and house uh oh! I've been spoilt having the help for so long.

Last night was my first night alone in probably years so you can imagine it was pretty weird.
My mum and dad helped me get both boys sorted for baths and bed so I wasnt completely on my own. Both boys were asleep by 9pm so I thought I'd get an early night but actually didn't until 11pm as those lovely neighbours of mine had their tv blaring - so inconsiderate. Anyway I was woken at 1.45pm by Joel for a feed then shortly after Ollie started crying so I went in and stroked his head and put his covers back on and then didn't hear another peep, of course Joel woke a couple more times but all in all it was a successful night. 
 


For the rest of the week I have friends popping in for lunch almost every day so I still won't be completely on my own. I thought if I didn't arrange meet ups I'd have no hair left by the end of the first week by pulling it out lol!