Emotional

I keep feeling incredibly emotional lately like this morning I woke up in a really negative mood thinking I'm rubbish at everything including being a mum.
I feel so bad that I have to leave my baby in 7 weeks to go to work full time but I have no choice we need the money.
I feel awful because I think my bubba prefers being with his grandma. Shes not with him every day but he clings to her so it goes back to me thinking how the hell will I feel with him being with a childminder for approx 50 hours a week will he become attached to her more than me.

I just can't bare it, but I have no way out.

8 weeks to go

Oh my only eight weeks until I sit back at a desk being told what to do mon-fri for 8 or so hours a day boohoo!
All of a sudden my time off has disappeared it's been nearly a year and I really don't know how I'll get back into work mode again just the thought of getting up extra early to get myself ready and Ollie out the door to a childminder for me to drive 30 minutes to the middle of nowhere all before 8.30 am then to be expected to stay awake and alert all day. I really don't know how mums do it, but I'm soon to find out. I do envy stay at home mums they don't know how lucky they are.

Anyone else out there facing the same at the moment I'd love to hear from you?

Finally Some Sleep

I actually had more than 3 - 4 hours sleep last night a whopping 7 hours straight woohoo!

Sleeping Ollie

After helping Ollie fall asleep from about 9.30pm as i'd been on a first aid course and didn't get back until 9ish (Daddy doesn't even try ha!) he finally fell asleep about 10pm and woke up at 7.30am that's amazing for him. He did wake up several times coughing but fell straight back to sleep.



I'm hoping it's not a one off  as we have had a couple of those before but at 9 1/2 months this should be a regular thing but to be fair he has had a horrible cough, cold and teething problems (still no teeth though).

What does everyone else do to get their bubbas to sleep?

I pretend to go to bed when he does on his floor with the lights out, I give him a bottle as it seems to be a comfort (I know I shouldn't but it works) then he moves about for abit then falls asleep next to me, when I know he is in a deeper sleep I put him in his cot. It has been working so that is good enough for me but he has been normally waking from 2am and he can't always get back to sleep after this time.

I'm trying routine, i've tried the control crying but i'm not keen on that one and don't think it works for Ollie as he gets in a state so how will he ever fall asleep like that, I have heard it works for some so it's always worth a try.

Happy Sleeping

Happy Monday

Happy Monday today.......really. I'm happy today because:

1. I'm at home with my little man
2. At the moment it's me time as he's having a nap
3. Chocolate and a nice hot cuppa by myside watching loose women

Ah! the simple things in life.

January is always hard for most after all the spending and chaos at Christmas so no money until the first pay comes in at the end of the month. I don't see how it makes a difference because it only goes on the next round of bills.

January is a funny month as you expect its going to be the year for you but realistically nothing changes unless you make it change. Some years i've been excited like last January I was thinking about the arrival of my baby (due 9th April), my big 30th birthday (March) the thought of having months off work to spend at home with my baby, Starting my own business from home (http://www.fish4clicks.co.uk/) the hope for big changes to make life better for us and less stressful. 

A year on I think we are more stressed than ever, i've cried so much already this month through loss of family, the thought of leaving my baby with someone else and fear on what will happen financially in the coming months, but I have my gorgeous baby boy who has put endless smiles on my face and made life happy for me, my husband and many relatives throughout difficult times.

Just want to cry

This year is turning out to be the hardest yet. Hubby had confirmation he will be made redundant possibly sooner than we thought in March so god knows what we will do, I've tried to be positive for him and encouraging him saying it's a good thing as he never liked the job anyway and it's time to start over. He has so much potential but he's so unmotivated to do anything about it, It's incredibly frustrating as he doesn't realise the pressure he puts on me as I'm heart broken at the fact I have to go back to work full time and leave my baby who I have cared for 24/7, it's like losing part of your body.
I had a letter of confirmation this morning and as soon as I saw it I had a lump in my throat - it's hard for me too.

Changes Happening Already

I've been taking Ollie to mum and baby groups since he was 4 weeks old, that first time I was incredibly nervous I almost didn't bother, but I did go and ended up being the first to arrive so felt a bit of a spare part but the staff were very friendly and made me feel welcome. The first mum walked in with her child and friend I smiled and they ignored me and sat on the other side of the room - okay is it going to be like that then, I thought at that point i'll never go again. More mums arrived a couple on there own like me so I plucked up the courage and spoke to one that looked friendly enough and we shared strories of our babies. Another lady recognised me from the antenatal classes and began a conversation so my thoughts changed and definatly thought I would go back.
Eight months on i'm still going to the odd group but unfortunatly I haven't seen those mums on my first visit again. I have made some really good friends after going on other classes such as 'Reality Strikes' which was a god send with a group of mums talking through experiences and troubles - Just what I needed. Baby massage mlittle man wasn't so keen on and just cried through it and Rhyme time he fell asleep the first time I went and now he's not interested in the slightest and crawls around exploring all the toys.
Now my baby is 9 months old i'm finding the groups have changed as mums who had babies around the same time as me are preparing or have gone back to work so groups are now filled with new faces and young babies, so i'm starting to feel my time is up which is really sad as my time being at home with my adorable baby is nearly up and hard times will begin.

Sleeping & tummy trouble

I haven't read much of the sleeping book yet as it's a nightmare to even try when the little one is around as he grabs it and wants my constant attention, which I give him as i'm now thinking my days spending with him are numbered as work is getting closer, about 9 weeks left at home boohoo!

At the moment I have found he falls asleep in his jumperoo in the morning for about an hour so i can quickly get in a shower, chores or sometimes just me time although I tend to be straight on the computer writing this blog or checking if anything has happened with my business venture Fish4Clicks.

Since Ollie has been on solids he's had constant tummy troubles but lately it has gotten worse
 lasting a week or so, it's horrible to see him in pain straining, turning bright red and screaming the house down as it's to solid to pass. I think he is very scared to do it now so he tenses his whole body, I try and bend his legs but he is so strong and I don't want to force them incase I hurt him.
The health visitor advises more fluid, fruit and veg (don't you think I do that), it's a struggle to get him to drink water as he only likes baby milk so I increased the water in his milk as advised which did work the first time, also tried watered down orange juice, prune juice which again all worked the first time but hasn't since.  Off to the doctor I went yesterday and he's been given laxatives to dissolve in water (aggghhh it's difficult to get him to drink water) it's taken him approx 16 hours to drink 5 oz of it. Very frustrating so i'm just going to put it in his milk.

Has anyone else had this problem? Any advice would be appreciated.