Had Enough

Feeling little bit.......glum. Thinking back to the past and mistakes made. Like in 2006 we pulled out of a two bed flat that recently I keep thinking about and wished we had have gone ahead with it as we may have been much better off now. 

2007 we bought the house we are in now which has been an utter nightmare ever since and can't get out of it. 

When we got the keys and I walked into the house for the first time I wanted to cry as it was left in such a state and just thought 'what have we done'. At that point we didn't know the half of what was to come. Noisy neighbours actually let's say inconsiderate noisy neighbours at silly hours in the morning. I don't think I've had a decent nights sleep since moving into the house. I just want the nightmare to end as the stress and lack of sleep is taking its toll. 

Also the town we live in is depressing as the majority of the families live off benefits and will probably never get off their butts to work, I can't stand lazy people and people that have no respect for others. I've always worked and now we struggle to pay for a house we hate being in and are surrounded by weed smoking, lazy morons who have probably never stepped out of the town. I may sound snobby but I don't want my kids to grow up here and mix with these people who have no ambition in life other than to get drunk, high and laid.

I WANT OUT....but how?

No equity, no savings :(

 

Sleep Regression

I'm into my third or forth week of hardly any sleep (cant remember as seems like forever) due to Joel waking up several times in the night. He used to be an easy baby up until 7 months old then it all changed.

At the very point he hit 7 months he started to crawl, followed by pulling himself up to his knees and now recently to his feet. With this he's become very grumpy and fussy.

After last night I managed a full hour and half sleep before Joel woke up at 11.55pm I thought I'd have at least until 2am like the previous night. I tried to settle by rocking him, dummy and water but nothing would settle him so I took him downstairs as I didn't want him waking Ollie which is becoming a regular thing now and gave him milk which did the trick until 3.20am. Then it started all over again.

The health visitor said not to give milk during the night but if its the only thing that works what else are you to do let him scream the house down and get no sleep at all. I don't think so.

Sweet Innocent Boy

Anyway I've been reading up about 8 month olds waking up 3-10 times a night and apparently it's all normal as between 8, 9 and 10 months all babies go through sleep regression due to a developing brain so as they have so much activity going on it stops them sleeping soundly like when adults have a big event the next day it stops us sleeping. According to what I read it can last between 3 to 6 weeks so I guess at least I'm some way through it now. 

Normally this sleep regression stage is worse than when it happens at 4 months as they are also teething. 

I just want it to be over with now as I'm just too tired I can't cope with anymore sleepless nights especially when I also have a 2 year old to look after. My patience has gone out the window completely and I am very ratty.

Tired, Tired, Tired & Rant

Oh I'm so tired, these past few weeks its either Joel waking through the night, been too hot to sleep or the neighbours have kept me awake. All I want is sleep.

I'm being very quick tempered with Ollie as he's being naughty especially towards Joel at the moment. Just this morning I had only got Joel back off to sleep when Ollie decides to kick Joel (not hard) to wake him up so I shouted at Ollie which made him cry then Joel cried I then didn't know what to do and it was made worse because hubby didn't even check to see if I was okay. Sometimes you just feel like you are on your own completely day in day out and for someone to ask if you are okay or need help would be nice especially from the hubby.

I think it's only women that have kids that truly understand its not all hunky dory being at home with kids. I find it very stressful at times and you feel you are just there for everyone else. All I seem to do is cook, wash up - oh that is getting to me as you clean and tidy then its back to square one again in no time, making sure you have food to feed everyone, clean clothes etc etc and I am actually fed up of myself moaning at Ollie especially when he's like talking to a brick wall.

Sometimes I wish I was a career woman so I wouldn't have to do this. I took up Avon to get myself out and do something for me but even that has got on my nerves this week as I've seen how shocking people can be when trying to deliver orders. I was told to deliver at a certain time on a particular day but they didn't answer so tried again half hour later still nothing so left a note and followed with a text to see when can deliver next and I had no reply. I left it two days and text again and got 'can you do tomorrow evening' no apology at all for messing me about and I have a feeling I won't get an answer when I deliver again. 

Another lady said she forgot so I went back next day and she said the same but offered to collect that night but did she turn up....no. What the hell is wrong with people, no manners and just no consideration for people.

That's my rant over :)

What is up with me today

I've woken up in such a foul mood today and I'm not sure why. I feel like I need to be on my own. I'm wondering if it is because I don't get much time on my own as I always have a child with me when I shower, go to toilet and even at night I tend to have Joel sleeping on me then there is breast feeding every two hours and when I do that Ollie has to sit right next to me most of the time which is lovely but I need some space so I'm actually writing this in the car as I've just been to the nurse for a jab - it's my breathing space before I go home.

I do feel guilty when I snap at Ollie or even the hubby as they haven't really done anything it's me being in a mood, I do hope I snap out of it. I guess it's just a down day :(

I NEED SLEEP

This little bundle of joy called Joel is not letting me sleep, I thought growth spurts only last a day or two but I'm sure this one is on a permanent growth spurt with regular feeds every 1 - 2 hours if I'm lucky it can go to 2 - 3 hours but even so he doesn't like to be put down some days he can last about 30 minutes in his moses basket or chair before waking and screaming to be picked up but some days it's 5 minutes, it's exhausting.

I have started to crave being alone as I need a break from it. If its not Joel demanding feeds or to be held its Ollie needing my attention. I knew it would be hard having two little ones close together but on top of dividing myself between the two I'm just not getting enough sleep so I'm irritable, moody, emotional, stressed and my patience has gone out the window but I'm surprising myself how I'm carrying on with just about 3 hours sleep some nights and that is often broken sleep.

The joys of being a parent :)

Week 35

All last week I felt exhausted but it didn't help when coming down with a winter bug it's made it impossible to sleep especially with pregnancy pains on top.

I saw the midwife yesterday and all okay although baby is laying to my left side which explains why it hurts to lye that side and walk as baby's head is resting on pelvis so I've been told I need to walk more to help baby move down which is easier said than done as I find it painful to walk with the pressure.
Good news is I have 5 weeks to go, I've
now finished work and its the countdown to Christmas :)

Why Does It Have To Be So Difficult

Little man is being very difficult at the moment, in the day he moans constantly which is so draining and at night he is so active it can be 11pm before we actually get him to sleep. I just don't know what to do half the time.
We have always had problems with him sleeping but at one years old you'd think that would be behind us. He is so unpredictable, for a few weeks he started to go to bed by 8.30-9pm which was amazing as we actually had a couple hours of mummy and daddy wind down time and he sometimes slept through until 7.30-8am which was a dream but since he's been Ill at easter we are lucky to get him in his cot by 10pm it's so stressful especially as you get rudely awaken by either a crying Ollie or noisy neighbours at stupid times in the morning.

I'm exhausted especially now I'm back at work. When I get home mummy mode has to switch on but in the evenings and at weekends I just want to sleep but I can't so I end up being very grouchy and snappy. I hope things change as I don't know how I can carry on like this.

I never imagined that being a mummy would be so difficult.