Noise

I envy those of you that have silence all night through and have decent sleep, that would be a luxury.

I think since living in my hell hole house the last six years I haven't slept well at all which has been made worse after having kids.

For instance last night Joel woke at 1.20am got him back to sleep then I hear the neighbours moaning and groaning while having sex which is made worse by their crappy squeaky bed. After that it was rummaging through a wardrobe. A little quiet after but its not completely silent as I can hear road noise and a fan going at the local take away. 

Once I do drift back to sleep I here Ollie moaning but think he's still asleep same with Joel. It then gets to 6am and I hear a neighbour getting ready for work as I can hear the shower and toilet flush. Half hour or so later I hear the other side getting out of the crappy squeaky bed then stomp downstairs to bang kitchen cupboards.

After nights like that with constant wake ups I just can't focus but both kids woke up at the same time this morning needing nappy changes and Ollie demanding I play........urgh! 

These days are so long especially when I'm on my own, I just can't wait for bedtime again in hope I get more sleep.

Do More Of What Makes You Happy

I came across this image the other day which got me thinking what does make me happy.

Well after having a hellish week last week I want to make this a better one.

Starting with Ollie so he doesn't play me up I decided to get him to decorate biscuits as he hasn't done that. It was fun and made me smile to see him happy.

What makes me happy well I like making things so I made another christmas decoration.

I also love photos and I am starting to put  photobooks together of family days out so we can concentrate on good memories. 

I do love when both boys are asleep and hubby and I can sit on the sofa with some wine, chocolate and a good film.

I seem to get a kick out of sorting stuff, selling it and just being organised.

What else makes me happy urm! Well I'm happy when I get quiet either that's when the boys are napping or the noisy neighbours are out (neither happens often). 

It's funny when I think of the things I used to feel happy about like buying new clothes, Booking my next holiday /trip away (not something I can do now), Days off work, Friday's where bliss. How life can change.

Argh! Kids

Struggling at the moment with my children the last few days they have just screamed and pestered me to the brink of me going insane.

At times I just haven't known what to do so ended up screaming back at them. I thought motherhood would be enjoyable but I'm not feeling that way. I feel like a slave as all it seems to be is cooking, cleaning, washing, changing nappies and tidying constantly. I feel lonely as I seem to be coping on my own with little help even though I'm always saying 'I need help'. My freedom has disappeared I can't even go to the toilet on my own without being pestered. My mood is awful as I'm constantly tired and stressed out. I'm starting to feel like I really don't want to read books or play toys with them as I just don't have the energy and begrudge the lack of time I have to myself.

It's awful to feel this way especially as it was what I really wanted for years. I was so jealous of people who had babies but now I'm jealous of people with freedom. Even other mums seem to get nights out with friends or partners so why can't I.

After constant moaning 'I need a break' my hubby took both kids to his parents last Saturday so I could have a few hours . Finally he listened I thought so I had a look round shops without kids whining and a soak in the bath in silence but then received a text to say to join them as surely 6 hours was enough uh! No it wasn't but I went anyway as I felt guilty. As soon as I got there I'm handed Joel to feed and entertain - what a joke. Everyone needs time out I'm no different I think I need to grow some balls and demand time and say no when I don't want to do something. Other people get away with it so why shouldn't I it's not being selfish its to keep me sane and an attempt to enjoy being at home with my kids. 

I DID IT

The Letter

Oh my I finally sent my resignation letter to the company I have been with for five years it was posted on Saturday to get to them on Monday morning. 
I have been dreading in case I got a telephone call for the past two days but I checked my junk mail late last night and the boss confirmed he received my letter Monday. Not what I was expecting especially in my junk folder and to me this shows that this is probably what they hoped for anyway. It's so nice to feel wanted :(

As I've mentioned in previous posts I didn't feel welcomed when I went back last year after my first child so I wasn't going to put myself through that again as you know when you have out grown a company. 

Its a relief in so many ways that I never have to step foot in that office and see those people who snubbed me and made me feel horrible about myself ever again (hopefully).

So here's to being a stay at home mum for a bit :)

Christmas Come Early

For weeks I've been wanting to make christmas decorations in hope that possibly I could sell on my Kelly's Craft Box page. 

Yesterday I thought just do it as Ollie had fallen asleep and Joel was playing with toys and today I managed to make two more. 

What do you think?

I would like to make a couple more as Ollie is asking for Santa and I would like to make a gingerbread man also.

Only 74 more days to go :)

Taking Time Off Work

Well I've had 9 months off work on maternity that has now come to an end and I've hardly heard from my work place is that normal? 

Last conversation via phone was in February with my manager and then nothing for months I found out from my maternity cover a new manager was replacing the other which I knew was coming but didn't know when so I contacted them and finally I had an email back in June from the new manager and I said I'd like to be kept informed of changes as an office move was on the cards which was suppose to happen in August so I waited for confirmation but its  now October and no word. I know they have changed offices which is a lot further away from me as I checked on the website. Surely I should have had a letter or something to say they have moved and confirm the address as I am expected back in December and that move will take me at least an hour or more each way plus I have two children to think about. I'm shocked that I haven't been contacted in all this time. 

During my first maternity break I thought I hadn't really been informed much of changes in the company but I had a couple of KIT days so I could be shown new products and systems. During my time back at work last time it was very unwelcoming and people had changed due to promotions and made me feel like rubbish but what the hell are they doing to me now. I've been a reliable and loyal employee for 5 years and I get treated like I don't matter, what the hell has happened to the work force.

I defiantly think if you have time off to have a baby you are punished for it. Before I was pregnant the first time I was given opportunities but couldn't take up the offer as exams where around the time I was going to give birth and then I was lucky enough to take a year off to spend with my baby but going back to the same job well it wasn't the same so if you are career minded a year is too long as you are treated differently and for me the opportunities were lost. It was hell going back to the same place after a year out so what will it be like going back in December to the same company after a second year off. I know they have made more changes by making someone redundant after years of service and losing some departments completely, the whole company is different including attitudes. It still shocks me though as not even a word from the boss in all this time it makes me feel they don't want me back which is how I felt the whole time I did go back the last time. 

What will happen as its just 2 months until I should be going back and it feels me with dread.